I read back to how devastated I was when I started my new job. I felt stupid, lost, confused, and inexpert. Ithought I hated the job. I think I hated the feelings I was having. As they say on Wayne’s World, “We fear change.” I don’t know if enough practice would make me any better at it- any more that falling off a cliff more often would make me a better cliff drop survivor, so I’m not sure how to do that. The job itself is pleasant. I haven’t figured out how to tell stories about it and still keep patient confidentiality. Not enough story backlog to blend details.
I was watching my Big Son at karate today, and I realized that a month of being in the dojo has desensitizing me to people yelling. They yell all the time in karate; really, really, loud. If the kids aren’t loud enough, they give pointers on how to yell louder. He’s pretty chuffed about his yelling abilities. I was completely unnerved by yelling, prior to this. Even yelling that was not directed at me, was not even in my language, was not even really near by. Now, not such a big deal.
Annie the little dog is lying on the bottom shelf of the book case, her little body fitting there neatly. Very cute, but if I get up to get the camera, all dogs will follow me down to the kitchen in hope of biscuts, and that would be the end of the cuteness.