Well, I’m nursing some hurt feelings along. I started making a quilt and I started to dream big- the quilt reminded me of a family story, and I started to think that someone in my family would notice the resemblance and want the quilt. I even plotted how to make them see the resemblance, and then praise me for the gift. One problem: they didn’t want it.
It was a lovely day of work- we had record high temperatures and so I hid out in the downstairs (sort of a half basement- it stays cool down there but has windows) play room. I have to say, now that all the quilting and spinning stuff is down there rubbing elbows with the legos and videos, it has turned into a family play room. The room actually has turned out as well as I could have hoped, and Mr Woolly is very happy to have the use of the table upstairs back. It may be some time before I can wedge the knitting yarn down there, but I digress. I had a lovely day, yesterday, cutting and sewing and humming and thinking about the person I thought this quilt was for. I hung it up in the bedroom before I went to sleep, and thought over the next steps. I’m a design as you go kind of gal, and really , I need to be grateful for the lovely day of creation.
So today my intended victim ( err, recipient) came over, and I had the top all spread out on the ironing board, draped for maximum, casual but prominent display. Doesn’t it remind you of so and so? UHm, no. A glance, but that’s all. Oh. A few moments later, I bring it up again, and again, a disinterested glance. My husband has come in and is looking at me intently- he knows what I’m up to, and he shakes his head. He’s sorry for me, but he doesn’t see why I bother.
I think I might have felt better had the intended recipient said something mean or dismissive- I could have drowned out the hurt with anger. In stead I was left with the sick hurt of embarrassment. It’s not fair- I set up the so called gift recipient. She didn’t know that her lack of interest was rejection, and I was too chicken to put it out there- look I made this for you and I hope you like it. Nope. Din’t have the guts for that.
It took a few hours, and I was back to enjoying the making of the quilt. I don’t know what I’ll do with it. I have friends and family ( and friends who are like family) who love me and my wacky creations. I can give it to them, I can donate it to a stranger, I can fold it up and put it in the linen closet. I’ll take a picture of it tomorrow, if it’s not windy. ( It will have to cool down substantially before I can quilt it- the idea of a quilt piled in my lap makes me crave ice cubes. )
Still hurts, though. Wish I had the kind of mom who wanted me to make things for her. I’d make her a lot of them.